At Least it's Better than Last Year
Today is my birthday. Yay... This is probably the first time I've spent my birthday alone, ever. It started off really well - SC called me first thing (literally right after I hit the snooze button) to wish me a happy birthday. Then I had a breakfast meeting at the Marriott. But after that, well, it just got very blah. I worked. I ate lunch alone. No one here knows it's my birthday. I didn't want to make a big deal of it, and I certainly didn't want to celebrate it with a bunch of people I barely know pretending to care. So I treated myself to dinner, and came home. I felt a little melancholy, but otherwise fine, until I started walking home from Cafe Francais. All of a sudden, my heart started to ache, and I felt the tears welling in my eyes. Not wanting to be the Girl Crying in the Streets, I kept dabbing at my eyes, and sniffing, hoping I would just look sick. Before getting to my building, I ducked into the little shop next door to get some chocolate, figuring sweets would help a little bit. But by the time I reached my door, the full force of my loneliness hit me. I could barely see the keyhole to open my door. I felt pathetic as a sniffled my way through hanging my coat and changing into sweatpants and my slippers. As soon as I logged on to the internet, SC IMed me, and the tears really began to fall. He immediately knew I was sad, and tried to cheer me up. He sent me a package in the mail, even though he knows it'll take a month to get here.Last year, NQEx barely even acknowledged my birthday. His birthday is 4 days after mine, and because everyone but me had forgotten it the year before, his friends and I were putting together a party for him. Though he hadn't said anything about it, I had hoped he had something planned for mine, since I was putting so much effort into his. So imagine my disappointment when the only thing he did to mark the occasion was to wish me a happy birthday before we each left for work that morning. That's it. He knew birthdays are a big deal to me, and that was all I got. No card, no flowers, not even a teeny present. I was throwing him a party at his favorite bar, and he didn't even take me out for dessert. I was so hurt. I think that's when I started to question our relationship. I never did anything about it, but I wondered why we were together. I might be by myself this year, but I know that there are people who love me, and that they're celebrating with me halfway around the world.
posted by MelissaJ @ 10:40 PM
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